Exercise: “Benefits of Self-sabotaging Habits”

What you will get out of this

Our self-sabotaging habits get in the way of us achieving even our most fulfilling goals, and getting stuck due to a self-sabotaging habit can feel frustrating and hopeless. However, the most likely reason we self-sabotage is that doing so satisfies a neglected want or need inside ourselves. Thus, the first step to overcoming self-sabotaging habits is to recognize how they actually benefit us. Only then can we find a more productive way to satisfy that underlying want or need.

This exercise helps us identify how our self-sabotaging habits actually benefit us by satisfying an underlying want or need.

An example of this exercise at work

Step 1: Unearthing Unhelpful Habits

Feel free to look back at your response to Chapter 2, Exercise: “Self-sabotaging habits”

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Identify at least four habits that, deep down, you know aren't helping you thrive. These could be habits like overindulging in alcohol, using nicotine products, consistently breaking commitments, or forever postponing tasks. Here's a way to reflect on them: if the people you care about adopted these habits, would you be comfortable?

Step 2: The Hidden Rewards

Now, while these habits aren't serving your well-being, they persist for a reason - they fulfill a certain need or desire. For each of the habits you listed, write a few sentences exploring what need they satisfy. For instance, you might find that overindulging in alcohol helps you loosen up, fostering new connections and offering temporary relief from stress.

Step 3: The Subtle Stumbling Blocks

Feel free to look back at your response to Chapter 2, Exercise: “Self-sabotaging habits”

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Next, identify four habits that might seem harmless, even praiseworthy, but that subtly hinder your growth. These could be things like consistently putting others before yourself to the point of self-neglect, skimping on spiritual practices, skipping workouts on a whim, or maintaining friendships that don't respect your passions and pursuits. Consider this - would it be a positive change if your loved ones adopted these habits?

Step 4: The Silent Justifications

Every habit serves a purpose, even the subtle ones. Reflect on each of the habits you've identified in step 3, and write down how each of them caters to a specific desire or need. For instance, you might realize that skipping workouts when you're not feeling up to it saves you from immediate discomfort, even though it doesn't serve your long-term wellness.