Exercise: “Do You Have Unhelpful Childhood Conditionings?”

What you will get out of this

One of the subtle ways we get in our own way is by allowing unhelpful childhood conditionings and learnings to continue impacting us. We’re all conditioned to believe there are things we can’t do, and there are other things we should be able to do with ease; both of these types of conditionings can be limiting. Recognizing and acknowledging the unhelpful childhood conditionings that continue to impact us is the first step to overcoming them.

This exercise helps us take a step back and examine which of our conditionings from childhood continue to impact us in an unhelpful way.

An example of this exercise at work

How to complete this exercise

Step 1: Childhood Messages about Your Limitations

Take a reflective journey back to your younger days. Recall instances where adults in your life - parents, teachers, mentors, or even role models - implicitly or explicitly told you that you couldn't do something you wanted. This could be about immediate actions or dreams for the future. Take at least 10 minutes to gather these memories and jot down a few notes about each.

From these experiences, what 'lessons' about your abilities did you internalize? Write them down. Try to imagine defying these lessons - do you feel an emotional reaction? If so, these beliefs might still be influencing you.

Consider how these conditioned beliefs have manifested in your life over the past month.

Step 2: Childhood Messages about Your Capabilities

Next, think back to the times when adults made you feel that you should be able to do certain things effortlessly. Because of this, you might avoid those activities out of fear of failure or underestimation of their value. Again, spend about 10 minutes recalling these moments and jotting down notes.

From these instances, what lessons about your capabilities were ingrained in you? Write them down. As you picture yourself going against these lessons, observe any emotional reactions. If there are any, these beliefs are likely still active in your life.

Reflect on how they have surfaced in your life over the past month.

Step 3: Crafting an Ideal Childhood

Now, let your imagination run free. If you could recreate your childhood, how would it look? Spend at least five minutes envisioning this 'fantasy' childhood. What were you taught? How were you nurtured? How did the lessons from this idealized childhood help you as an adult?

Step 4: Lessons from Your Ideal Childhood

Step 5: Childhood Conditioning: A Hindrance or a Help?

After exploring your childhood emotional conditioning and its recent impacts, do you think any of these lessons are standing in your way? Take a moment to articulate your thoughts in a few sentences.

What you believe you can’t do

What you believe you should be able to do with ease

Learnings from your ideal childhood