Exercise: “Are You Mean To Yourself?”

What you will get out of this

One of the subtle ways we get in our own way is by unknowingly being mean to ourselves. This includes not allowing ourselves to do the things we love or participating in negative self-talk. Recognizing and acknowledging the ways we’re mean to ourselves is the first step to overcoming them.

This exercise helps us take a step back and examine the ways we are mean to ourselves.

An example of this exercise at work

Step 1: How Do You Treat Yourself?

It's often easier to spot others' unkindness towards us than our own. Reflect on your initial thoughts about whether you treat yourself harshly. Jot down a few sentences expressing your thoughts.

Step 2: What Joyful Activities Do You Deprive Yourself Of?

Create a list of at least ten activities or experiences you genuinely love or wish to explore but don't allow yourself to. Why do you believe you can't pursue these joys? Is it you who’s setting these boundaries?

(e.g., shave my head, cut off my toxic friends, move to a different city, completely change my style, pick up a new hobby)

Step 3: Recognize Your Self-Imposed Limits

Reflect and identify at least five ways you've held yourself back in the past couple of months. This could include negative self-talk, self-deprecation, or imposing unnecessary restrictions on yourself. Are these isolated incidents, or do you see a pattern?

Step 4: Revisit the Question - Are You Mean to Yourself?

Having considered how you may be restricting your own growth and happiness, revisit the initial question. Do you believe you've been unconsciously harsh on yourself? Could this be a way you're hindering your own progress? Express your thoughts in a few sentences.

Things you don’t allow yourself to do

Ways you’ve limited yourself